how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
