I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
