WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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