You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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