Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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