So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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