just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
