Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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