Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
