just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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