Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
