I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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