i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
