For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
