I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
