Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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