Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
