Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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