i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
