OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
