I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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