Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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