If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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