After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
