oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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