I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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