There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
