new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
