Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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