This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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