Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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