Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You took a bar mat shot.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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