If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
