You smell like a Billy Joel song
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize