STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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