TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
