he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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