I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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