I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
