do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
