I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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