We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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