I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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