Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
