omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
