WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
