She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
