i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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