how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
