i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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