So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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