I want to stick my p in your. b.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
