All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
