It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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