I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
