Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm really into asian looking animals
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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