We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
