Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
