I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I could have mohawked her pubes.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
