oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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