I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
