Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
