Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
