I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
