Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
