Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
