Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
