I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
