i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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