After last night, I could never be a politician.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
