Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
