ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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