I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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